Today was not a good day. At least it wasn’t up until around 6ish. It really began yesterday, after a full day of work. The normal Friday work day, me rolling in at 9:12am when I should have been there 9am sharp. A day of me working the frylaters instead of the giant kettle because they want all us “lifers” to be fully cross-trained to best utilize our time. So it goes.

After that long day I get back to find Aaron planning a largish party consisting of up to fifteen psytrance buddies. Oh, and maybe my ex-girlfriend Heather too. We proceed to repurchase all the alcohol that his parent’s decided would be a good idea to throw away (still not entirely clear as to why they threw it away) at Shawna & Josh’s wedding… which then seemed like a bad idea. It dawned on me after the fact that the money (about $80) owed to me was not really supposed to be spent on money to supply Aaron with booze for his party, but for *my* bar. So things might get a little confrontative soon, but that’s how it goes sometimes and that’s life.

About an hour later, Aaron announces that Heather is here. Not a group of people, just her. I didn’t think this would be a big problem, and particularly not in a large group where one voice can be ignored pretty easily, but no. So for another hour, maybe two, it’s me, Aaron, and Heather in the apartment with myself feeling more and more uncomfortable. Eventually I shut myself in my room and even when the rest of the psyravers came I still wouldn’t come out. Perhaps it looked childish, but I felt so uncomfortable that even under the film of alcohol and dopamine I felt trapped. Perhaps that’s what did it. Not only was I warned a couple hours ahead of time that Heather might be coming over, I had no way of avoiding or escaping the situation except through various sedatives like alcohol in massive quantities. So now Aaron had made me a prisoner of my apartment, Heather acting more like someone who lived there than I was, and myself not wanting to bog Krystal down with more worry than she needed – thus I was miserable with no escape. Moreover, the longer I stayed in my room, the more rediculous I would have felt had I attempted to emerge and be social. Suddenly I’m the odd one who has to explain what I’ve been up to. It turns out that Aaron did that for me – apparently I was just “really f*cked up” and so wasn’t able to do much more than blink. The rest of the guests had no concept of why this would be an uncomfortable situation for me.

At some point I must have passed out, fully dressed and lights on, because it was suddenly four AM and the whole group of psyravers were getting home from their shindig (psyforia, mentioned in one of my last blogs). I was awake long enough to get undressed and turn the light out, then pass out again until 8:10am. Work at 9am. Again.

This brings us to today, Saturday. My main gripe against work is that I’m working with a non-cohesive and non-communicative “team” which is given a list of tasks every day and must complete them all, or no one goes home. Or, better said, only if you’ve made secret previously agreed on arrangements can you go home. Today was worse than others for a couple of reasons.

Aspect one: Management is enforcing cross-training like I mentioned earlier. This isn’t a bad thing for anywhere, but for what I do it means risking getting burnt by oil, chopping a finger off, or making more salsa than most people eat in a lifetime. I think kitchen work just isn’t for me – unfortunately I keep doing it. The other part of this cross-training is that I just don’t see myself there much longer, and it all seems silly to make sure I know all this stuff when I don’t think I’ll be there long enough to really make it worth while. Might as well keep me doing one thing that I can do quickly and effectively until I’m not there any more.

Aspect two: People leaving early. This so called “team” is only marginally one. We’re a team in so much as we all have to work from the same list and must coordinate who is doing what. We’re not a team in so much as people leave according to deals with management that the rest of us aren’t aware of. We rarely help each other out (though that is getting better lately). And half of us don’t have English as a first language. Sometimes communication is so hard that absolutely nothing can get done and I get frustrated as hell – tomorrow is my usual day to work with only non-English speakers. Bloody hell.

By the time I was finished work which went 1.5 hours past when expected due to the above problems, I was really late for a cookout with Krystal (I ended up getting next to no food – it’s always the case) and even at that when I got home I couldn’t get in the shower for 30 minutes because of Aaron’s friends. This last one is only a coincidence that is unfortunate but not anyone’s fault. However it was just the last thing in a long string of circumstances that really pissed me off!

PS.Things did get better after that. I received Mark Danielewski’s new book “Only Revolutions” in the mail today, one for me and one for Krystal. That made things a little better. Followed by a good time at Cooper and Reeders and then B&N reading “Only Revolutions”. Krystal and I are going to have a blast with trying to figure out what Danielewski is trying to do with this one… if you’ve ever read “House of Leaves” you’ll know what I’m talking about.

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