I used to be pretty excited every time there was a party to go to. Not just any party of course, but for anyone who didn’t know, I was one of those ravers. Not really hardcore, but I spent way more than I should have on gas and plane tickets just to get to them. I bounced my way through many a dancefloor to a large number of DJs. It’s been fun and I defitely don’t think I’m done doing it. However, something I wasn’t expecting happened to me last Tuesday.

Charles Feelgood was spinning at WB’s here in Manchester. I’ve only been a couple of times, and aside from the crowd being not my usual (to uppity and clubby for my tastes) it has been a pretty good time. However, this time, I couldn’t dance. I didn’t have a scrap of energy that I could devote to bouncing for either the opening DJ (who I liked very much the last time) or Feelgood himself. Maybe it was what they were playing. Maybe it was that I was still slightly getting over a cold. But dancing suddenly became the last thing I wanted to do that night, and WB’s was the last place I wanted to be.

So now a few days later and I’m presented with going down to Psyforia in Boston. It’s a psytrance party and while I’m not as into psytrance as many other types of electronic dance music, I’m sure it wouldn’t be bad. But here’s where I’m slightly confused about my own impulses: I don’t want to go. This isn’t just a feeling of not wanting to spend money or feeling lazy/sick/tired. This is something inside me saying no to the party itself. I almost don’t know what to make of it.

Except for one part. I know that there is a lot more to life than parties, and I have in my life a certain someone who is known to throw the phrase “don’t f*ck around” out when it comes to parties of any sort. What he means is that if you don’t come and come now then you are not doing what you should be and that despite anything else, the party and the music is all important. I used to buy that. It used to motivate me. Now it just pisses me off. I can’t really explain the difference, except to point to experiences like when I tried to dance for Feelgood. I don’t know what I’m missing either. It was perhaps a month ago that I had a good time at the Listen party thrown by Columns of Knowledge. It deserves some more thought, and my first reaction is that it’s simply the kind of music being played. Maybe I’m just that much not into psytrance. It would break Aaron’s heart I think, but that’s just the way I am.

PS. Donald Glaude is coming to Hartford on Sept 29. That is something that I bet I could work up the energy for. Glaude never dissappoints me. And I’ve seen him all over the country.